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Letter to George Lucas

While perusing some old emails I came across this little witticism from 1999. It was written shortly after a day spent waiting in line to see the premiere of Episode One:

Dear George,

I just saw your movie and I'm having a difficult time understanding what happened. I was hoping you could take a few minutes out of your busy day to answer the following questions for me:

  • If the two Jedi Knights could, fearlessly and with great ease, manage to rescue a captured Queen from the clutches of an invading army, how come they couldn't steal some cheesy ship parts from an old blue bug?
  • If it was so important that the Naboo Queen be kept safe at any cost that a human decoy was used to protect her, how come later she was running through the palace shooting a blaster and dodging lasers for no apparent benefit? But then again, you did get to show a "strong" female character.
  • How do you democratically elect a Queen?
  • The Jedi's mission to bring the Queen to the Senate was of utmost importance, right? So why the hell do they bring along this bungling idiot Jar Jar? Wasn't it because he was going to help them navigate through the planet's core? But, if I recall, they were using the Force to direct them through the core. But that's okay, he sure was a funny character (Ha ha).
  • What did you call those things that live inside us and carry the force? Wow... that was deep.
  • If young Anikin Skywalker and his mom were so poor and helpless that they became slaves, how did the boy manage to get enough stuff together to build a robot and a pod cruiser? How about selling the robot and hopping in the pod and racing the hell away?
  • Wasn't it cute how young Anikin "accidentally" destroyed the robot control ship?
  • Why didn't C3PO ever make the connection between his new master, Luke Skywalker from Tatooine, and his original master, Anikin Skywalker from Tatooine?
  • How come the robot's weapons couldn't get through the force field, but the robots themselves could? Come to think of it, how come water couldn't get through, but people could? Don't people have water in them?
  • Yoda admits Anikin is the chosen one but doesn't want to train him to be a Jedi. So what the hell is he "chosen" for then?
  • How come every lightsaber duel happens to take place on the ledge of some gigantic chute and the loser always ends up falling to his questionable doom?
  • A virgin birth? Okay... George...

Please respond at your earliest convenience. Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,
Star Wars Sucker

P.S. I'd like my $7.50 back.

Still no response. Go figure.

However, I do remember all my friends being annoyed by the email (Why can't you just enjoy the movie for what it is!?")

chrishorvath on January 24, 2010 in Junk Culture |

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Jakit Philosophies

  • Weston A. Price Foundation
    The Weston A. Price Foundation is a nonprofit, tax-exempt charity founded in 1999 to disseminate the research of nutrition pioneer Dr. Weston Price, whose studies of isolated nonindustrialized peoples established the parameters of human health and determined the optimum characteristics of human diets. Dr. Price's research demonstrated that humans achieve perfect physical form and perfect health generation after generation only when they consume nutrient-dense whole foods and the vital fat-soluble activators found exclusively in animal fats.
  • The Idler
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    The Distributist Review is a journal analyzing current events through the theoretical and practical socio-economic theory of Distributism; combining provocative and sharp commentary along with golden age Distributist essays. Whether discussing capital and labor, urban and rural reform, politics, or “what is wrong with the world,” we also strive to deposit the proper perspective on the fundamentals needed for the creation of a practical Distributist culture.
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  • Satyajit Ray: Pather Panchali

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  • Sergio Leone: Once Upon a Time in the West

    Sergio Leone: Once Upon a Time in the West
    The western to end all westerns. The baddest bad guys, the most mysterious strangers, and the epic scope and theme of the wild west. Be dedicated when you watch this, for it moves slowly. But most definitely watch it.

  • Kevin Costner: Dances with Wolves

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Julian Hice Horvath

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Berlin 2002

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Goteburg 2002

  • Leaving the Stena