jakit

Green Police

I didn't watch the superbowl and I haven't seen any of the ads except this one, which I happened to come across on the internets.

I find it rather clever.

It manages to make fun of the extreme moralizing that occurs in the green movement while, at the same time, still acknowledging the movement's overall wisdom.

For people who believe that it is smart to live sustainably, this ad is a gentle poke in the ribs and a humorous reminder that it is still possible for one to have fun in life, even while trying to do the right thing.

The nutcase teabaggers, on the other hand, see this ad as an accurate forecasting of our future, when the American populace will be tyrannically ruled by a big-brother-style government forcing us all to behave like good liberals.

Which is bizarre, really, because the green movement has occurred thus far, and for the most part, outside of government power; despite the dominant authorities, not because of them.

The American government has never pushed people into buying organic, buying local, living sustainably, etc... quite to the contrary. Our farm bill, for instance, still helps enormous agribusinesses producing unhealthy food while, simultaneously, hurting the local farmers.

No, the green movement has grown because of word-of-mouth and other grass-roots methods of communication. The power it has is only the power of knowledge and the ability, at the worst, to make something taboo and/or shameful.

It is a possibility, however, that corporations and their government stooges could learn to hijack the green movement in their favor (much like they manipulate the desire to be safe in order to justify wars fought for resources) while still subverting it, but since the movement is, by definition, anti-corporation and pro-small and local government, I'd be very surprised to see this happen.

In other words, although this Audi ad is clever and fun, it's still just corporate bullshit.

U.S. Out of Oakland Lives on

U.S. Out Of Oakland
Originally uploaded by michal migurski

The truth is still out there.

Letter to George Lucas

While perusing some old emails I came across this little witticism from 1999. It was written shortly after a day spent waiting in line to see the premiere of Episode One:

Dear George,

I just saw your movie and I'm having a difficult time understanding what happened. I was hoping you could take a few minutes out of your busy day to answer the following questions for me:

• If the two Jedi Knights could, fearlessly and with great ease, manage to rescue a captured Queen from the clutches of an invading army, how come they couldn't steal some cheesy ship parts from an old blue bug?
• If it was so important that the Naboo Queen be kept safe at any cost that a human decoy was used to protect her, how come later she was running through the palace shooting a blaster and dodging lasers for no apparent benefit? But then again, you did get to show a "strong" female character.
• How do you democratically elect a Queen?
• The Jedi's mission to bring the Queen to the Senate was of utmost importance, right? So why the hell do they bring along this bungling idiot Jar Jar? Wasn't it because he was going to help them navigate through the planet's core? But, if I recall, they were using the Force to direct them through the core. But that's okay, he sure was a funny character (Ha ha).
• What did you call those things that live inside us and carry the force? Wow... that was deep.
• If young Anikin Skywalker and his mom were so poor and helpless that they became slaves, how did the boy manage to get enough stuff together to build a robot and a pod cruiser? How about selling the robot and hopping in the pod and racing the hell away?
• Wasn't it cute how young Anikin "accidentally" destroyed the robot control ship?
• Why didn't C3PO ever make the connection between his new master, Luke Skywalker from Tatooine, and his original master, Anikin Skywalker from Tatooine?
• How come the robot's weapons couldn't get through the force field, but the robots themselves could? Come to think of it, how come water couldn't get through, but people could? Don't people have water in them?
• Yoda admits Anikin is the chosen one but doesn't want to train him to be a Jedi. So what the hell is he "chosen" for then?
• How come every lightsaber duel happens to take place on the ledge of some gigantic chute and the loser always ends up falling to his questionable doom?
• A virgin birth? Okay... George...

Please respond at your earliest convenience. Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,
Star Wars Sucker

P.S. I'd like my $7.50 back.

Still no response. Go figure.

However, I do remember all my friends being annoyed by the email (Why can't you just enjoy the movie for what it is!?")

The Film of Tomorrow

From a 1957 article in Art magazine written by Francois Truffaut:

The film of tomorrow appears to me as even more personal than an individual and autobiographical novel, like a confession, or a diary.

The film of tomorrow will not be directed by civil servants of the camera, but by artists for whom shooting a film constitutes a wonderful and thrilling adventure.

The film of tomorrow will resemble the person who made it, and the number of spectators will be proportional to the number of friends the director has.

The film of tomorrow will be an act of love.

Pete Swears a Lot

This cracks me up.

From my Final Draft screenplay program:

PROFANITY REPORT FOR "LEISURE"
This profanity report should be used as a general guide to the profanity content of your script. Some of the items in this report may not be actual profanity and other real instances in your script may have been missed.

"Ass"  (13 occurrences)
It appears on the following pages:
6, 12, 13, 19, 23, 54, 55, 61, 68, 70, 93, 112, 115
It is spoken by the following characters:
BARNEY, FRANKLIN, JAKE, LEILA, PETE, TOM

"Asshole"  (2 occurrences)
It appears on the following pages:
59, 66
It is spoken by the following characters:
MARK, PETE

"Bitch"  (5 occurrences)
It appears on the following pages:
2, 3, 70, 96
It is spoken by the following characters:
JAKE, PETE

"Bullshit"  (8 occurrences)
It appears on the following pages:
23, 40, 55, 56, 81, 103
It is spoken by the following characters:
FRANKLIN, JAKE, PETE

"Crap"  (2 occurrences)
It appears on the following pages:
68, 72
It is spoken by the following characters:
FRANKLIN

"Damn"  (6 occurrences)
It appears on the following pages:
7, 21, 50, 59, 74, 87
It is spoken by the following characters:
ED, JAKE, MARK, PETE

"Dick"  (1 occurrences)
It appears on the following pages:
41
It is spoken by the following characters:
PETE

"Fuck"  (33 occurrences)
It appears on the following pages:
4, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 15, 27, 54, 63, 65, 73, 74, 75, 77, 79, 80, 81, 88, 90, 91, 93, 94, 110, 111
It is spoken by the following characters:
ALT GIRL 2, BARNEY, FRANKLIN, JAKE, LARS, NED, PETE, TOM

"Fucked"  (1 occurrences)
It appears on the following pages:
9
It is spoken by the following characters:
BARNEY

"Fucker"  (3 occurrences)
It appears on the following pages:
3, 37, 41
It is spoken by the following characters:
JAKE, PETE

"Fucking"  (39 occurrences)
It appears on the following pages:
2, 4, 6, 7, 8, 11, 12, 16, 22, 26, 31, 41, 54, 55, 56,
59, 61, 65, 74, 81, 86, 90, 91, 93, 94, 96, 97, 103, 107, 111
It is spoken by the following characters:
ALT GUY, BARNEY, BOB, FRANKLIN, GEORGE, HANK, JAKE, LANCE, LARS, LEILA, MARK, NED, PETE, RALPH, TOM

"Pissed"  (1 occurrences)
It appears on the following pages:
7
It is spoken by the following characters:
JAKE

"Pussy"  (3 occurrences)
It appears on the following pages:
60, 77, 78
It is spoken by the following characters:
BARNEY, LEILA, PETE

"Shit"  (22 occurrences)
It appears on the following pages:
2, 9, 11, 19, 23, 25, 36, 53, 63, 65, 77, 79, 81, 93, 98
It is spoken by the following characters:
BARNEY, JAKE, PETE, RALPH, TOM, WALLY

And this list is from the screenplay. It doesn't take into account all the swearing that the actors added themselves. For instance, while editing once I counted 14 motherfuckers from Chris Ferreria in a single 90 second sequence.

It's stuff like this that is leading to the corruption of today's youth.

Vocation/Avocation

No one should spend more than twenty hours a week doing any one thing.

This is my new creed.

Whatever makes one money, they should spend no more than twenty hours a week at it. This is a vocation.

One should spend the rest of their time doing things that they love. Working in the garden. Carving wooden toys. Making sauerkraut. Reading books. These are avocations.

If one can make money from one's avocations, well, then, that person is doing something right. But even if one can't, twenty hours a week is not too much of a burden.

I love the idea of having several of both, with constant overlapping and shifting places. Right now I have pizza delivery as my twenty-hour-a-week vocation; writing as my twenty-hour-a-week avocation that occasionally shifts into vocation; and I'm searching for some craft/food gig to pursue for pleasure that may one day provide a little bit of income.

One idea is to start my own gourmet hot-dog cart. But it would only be for two days a week. We'll see.

This is my alternative to the concept of career. It's much more fun.

Movies Lame

I pulled to a stop in front of the Piedmont Theater and glanced up at the marquee. The title of the current movie was "Pirate Rad."

How cool is that? I might actually go see that film.

Then I drove forward and saw that it was actually "Pirate Radio."

Movies sure do suck nowadays.

Living Up to the Name

Am I the only one who now finds Tiger Woods incredibly more interesting?

Beer and Calories

I just discovered that my favorite beer has 303 calories per twelve ounce bottle.

WTF?

I'm quite sure that I've put four similar beers away in a night at Catos before; and those are sixteen ounces. It's not, I must say, out of the realm of possibility that I've consumed 1500 calories in booze during one session of drinking at my local pub.

That's 3/4 of my daily allotment!

Yeesh. This is what you start to think about when you're pushing 40, I guess.

Easy Parenting

Brilliant wisdom from The Idler:

THE MANIFESTO OF THE IDLE PARENT

We reject the idea that parenting requires hard work
We pledge to leave our children alone
We reject the rampant consumerism that invades children from the moment they are born
We read them poetry and fantastic stories without morals
We drink alcohol without guilt
We reject the inner Puritan
We don’t waste money on family days out and holidays
An idle parent is a thrifty parent
An idle parent is a creative parent
We lie in bed for as long as possible
We try not to interfere
We play in the fields and forests
We push them into the garden and shut the door so we can clean the house
We both work as little as possible, particularly when the kids are small
Time is more important than money
Happy mess is better than miserable tidiness
Down with school
We fill the house with music and merriment
We reject health and safety guidelines
We embrace responsibility
There are many paths
More play, less work

Of course, like all great advice, this type of thinking will arouse angry and panicky reactions from a wide variety of folks. That, alone, should be proof of it's worth.

Human Beings are Awesome

Thank You, John Hughes

Brian: Dear Mr.Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it is that we did wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us, in the simplest terms and the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain.

Andrew: And an athlete.

Allison: And a basket case.

Claire: A princess.

Bender: And a criminal.

Brian: Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, The Breakfast Club.

YouTube is Fascist!

I tried to upload my student film to their stupid website and it wouldn't let me because I have an unlicensed Oasis song in it! It's some new policy. How dare they!

Yeah, I know that YouTube has been hosting my videos for free and that I used the Oasis song without permission and that I've downloaded countless albums since then illegally and so on, but...

Alright, it's cool. They have every right to do what they're doing.

However, it's also stupid. Because all I did was hike my ass down the block to DailyMotion's site where I could not only post my video without removing the Oasis song but I could also post the entire 17 minute film in one piece. That's much different than YouTube, who only allow ten minutes per video.

And I'm not the only one wandering elsewhere. By removing unlicensed music from videos posted on their site, YouTube is removing their best material. It's one thing to remove the music videos and film clips, but quite something else to erase all the creative original content that people put up that happened to contain songs from major artists.

Alas, YouTube's days of dominance are over. The fall begins now.

Dear Guy on Bicycle

Dear Guy on Bicycle,

I completely understand why you ride down the middle of the street in front of me going exactly half as fast as I am. You are, after all, superior to me. You are riding a bicycle while I am driving a car. You are saving the Earth while I am destroying it.

Yes, I know that you drove from your house in order to get to the trail where you could ride your bike and I also know that you take five hour car trips to go hiking in the mountains every other weekend but, come on, you're going to the mountains and that's, like, nature, so, it's totally okay. Besides, you probably drive a Prius and that is almost 2% less polluting than my car. Or, even better, you drive an Outback and Mother Nature definitely prefers gas fumes from an Outback!

Yay! You rule!

Unfortunately, it is from this state of admiration that I write to you of my concerns. No, it's not about your style of dress. I'm sure that if a grown man is wearing neon-bright, skin-tight clothing in public he must have a fine reason. In fact, I'm quite sure that all those corporate logos you're advertising must be very lucrative, indeed.

The reason I'm concerned here is the complete lack of fat that you seem to have on your face. I must admit, it is extremely impressive that you are able to maintain such a skinny and muscular frame. All those journeys up and down (and up and down, and up and down) the hill have paid off. Alas, I'm afraid that it's within those morsels of fat that God decided to put the happiness molecules.

This must explain why you're so damn bitter all the time, Guy on Bicycle, you've got no happy fat!

Therefore, I think that you might want to consider taking it easy for a day. Just one day. Sleep in. Leave the bike on the rack. Maybe swing by your local GameSpot instead of REI. I know money is to be hoarded like granola on a trail, but just try tipping the pizza guy more than two bucks for once. You might actually find that friendly interactions with people can be rewarding in their own way.

What about that mountain that you need to climb just because it's there? It'll still be there tomorrow. And then you can return to blocking traffic all the time because, hey, you deserve to. After all, you are Guy on Bicycle.

Thoughts on Trash

When I was a kid, we had one type of trash; garbage. Now there are three cans to navigate; garbage, recycling and compost. Is life getting easier or more difficult?

SNL - Celebrity Jeopardy

One of my favorite SNL skits ever. I just had tears in my eyes while watching it.

Stewart and Colbert in the Obama Era

I'm a little worried about the future of Stewart and Colbert's careers.

George Bush and the gang provided plenty of ammunition for the weapons of comedy and, man, am I ever grateful that the Daily Show and Colbert Report were there to fire them off.

Their shows over the last five years encapsulated the very essence of why comedy matters: they were a cathartic relief in a stressful era, they let us in the opposition know that we weren't alone and theyalleviated the gravity of it all so that we felt that the world wasn't, indeed, going to end.

That's what Comedy Central was able to do with Dubya.

But Barack?

A. He's not so funny. He's a serious dude doing some serious business in serious times.
B. John and Steven love him. It's hard to ridicule someone that you admire.

Their current approach is to goof on how awesome everyone thinks he is. But they think he's awesome too. Ergo...not funny.

My advice to those two fellas is to either find a humorous way to make fun of Obama, or just skip it altogether. Because even being accused of bias is better than making lame jokes.

The Car Sound

I was playing cars with Julian and I was making that universal noise that we all make to imitate the sound of an engine (you know, when you close your mouth, blow out and vibrate your lips; something like "brpbrpbrpbrp") and I started wondering if people always made this sound.

They must have, it's such a simple sound to make. But if they made this sound before the invention of the internal combustion engine, then what did they compare it to? There is no sound like "brpbrpbrpbrp" in all of the natural world.

And when the internal combustion engine was finally invented, and they heard it for the first time, did one of the guys turn to another and say "hey, that sounds like the noise we make when we close our mouth, blow out and vibrate our lips?"

How Art Should Really be Valued

I went to my favorite bookstore yesterday and bought a used copy of Paddy Clark Ha Ha Ha by Roddy Doyle. It cost $8.50.

Now, that's a lot for a used book, no matter what. In this case, however, it seems especially exorbitant. I don't know how many of you people out there have read Roddy Doyle, but this cat writes pretty economically. So, you're not getting a lot of words, especially descriptive words, for that price.

Sure, you might be getting a great novel, but I think for over eight bucks one should expect something like Michael Chabon. He puts out a whole mess of adjectives and adverbs and what-not. Or maybe a book with pictures. Or, at the very least, it should be printed on some nice quality paper.

But this Roddy Doyle stuff? He doesn't even have chapters. He doesn't even use quotes! Eight bucks and fifty cents and the guy can't even put some damn quotes around his dialogue?

Look, I'm not saying it's not great stuff, I'm just saying that the artistic proficiency displayed should relate to the price. I mean, these fellas who can really pack a sentence full of fancy words busted their asses to get to that point in their art. They deserve rewards.

It's the same reason why a Rush CD should always be more expensive than one by The Clash. Rush has longer songs, more inventive themes, more abstract lyrics and, of course, they play their instruments better.

Seems reasonable to me. I'll ask Harvey at Spectator Books if he'd be willing to implement this idea.

Pimps

I was watching The Daily Show recently; specifically, an episode featuring Ben Stiller discussing his new film, Tropic Thunder. I noticed that the interview seemed to be going a little bit longer than normal and that Jon was pimping the movie a tad too much. So, I did some quick research on the internet and, lo and behold, it turns out that Comedy Central (which broadcasts the Daily Show) and Dreamworks (which distributes Tropic Thunder) are both owned by Viacom.

Coincidence?

Me thinks not.

It's a dirty world out there. Gotta keep your wits about ya'.