jakit

Oakland Fails Again

I'm very disappointed with my city.

Oakland, you call that a riot?

That wasn't a riot. That was a tantrum, at best.

C'mon, people, look at what you've been given: a black college student is coming home from a late night job, innocently sitting on BART and studying his textbooks when, all of a sudden, a white cop yanks him off the train and shoots him in cold blood.

And the most you can do is bust open a Foot Locker?

You all must really be Oscar Grant because that dude is dead and that about describes the level of your enthusiasm last night.

Very disappointing.

Back in the day, people would have been out in force. Back in the day, things would have been destroyed. Back in the day, Oaklanders knew how to properly riot.

Today? Not so much.

Living in this city is crappy enough. I already have to pay through the ass just to reside here and all I get in return is the privilege of having my shit ripped off every other week. All I ask for in return is a decent riot to enjoy, now and again.

At least, it was a multi-racial riot, showcasing Oakland's legendary ability to bring together people of all types. In this case, black knuckleheads and the guilty white liberals who enable them (not to mention people who love sneakers!)

Where else but in a city with a population hell-bent on destroying itself could you get a mayor like the one we have. The election of Dellums was classic Oakland. It was a throwback to the Oakland I grew up with.

That riot last night? That was the new Oakland; too punk to build anything up, not punk enough to break anything down.

In other words, boring.

I will give the rioters this, however; they shut the protestors up. That was cool.

Cheap Gas

This is the kind of stuff that drives me absolutely bonkers. A gas station in San Francisco last week offered fuel at $2.99 a gallon. People drove from far and wide and waited for up to three hours to buy this discounted gas.

Hello? Are there people really this stupid? Wide support for the Iraq War definitely made me think so, but now this proves it.

Earlier, customers like Avon Curtis said it was well worth it for her to wait for 90 minutes to save $4 to fill up her Ford Focus. Many of the people waiting in line said they had heard about the deal in The Chronicle or on the morning news; some drove all the way from the East Bay and Peninsula.

Good God woman, what's your freakin' problem? You waited 90 minutes to save four dollars? Four stinking bucks?

Look Avon, never mind what that says about the value you place on your own time, it's just completely inefficient. When you break it down, you're saving $2.67 per hour- that's less than minimum wage. If you had just stayed at your job at McDonald's for a few more minutes you probably would've made the same amount of money. But I bet your retarded ass begged to get off early so you could race your chunky self to the petrol stop, huh?

And what about the gas you wasted driving out to the station in the first place, Ms. Curtis? Since we've already established that you're a moron, it's also safe to assume that you let the car idle while you were waiting in line; so that's even more wasted gas. Guess what? At the end of the day you were probably saving something like two bucks an hour.

Two dollars. Think about. How else can you save two dollars without sacrificing an hour of your life? Oh, I know, how about not buying a frappuccino today? I'm not even saying give up your caffeine, I'm just saying how about for one damn day you get a regular coffee instead of that fru-fru crap and you save two bucks right there? In addition you'll probably help take some of that lard off your fat rear.

But you know what? This would involve thinking rationally and I know how most people hate to do that. Instead folks get all excited about the idea of cheap gas, even though it'll be more expensive in the end if one just steps back and examines the situation for a second. This is the type of idiocy that leads people to think that America is vulnerable to being conquered by poor Muslims on the other side of the world that hate us for our freedom and we better go kill them all before they get a chance. This is why I'm not such a big fan of Democracy. Thanks Avon.

Dear Starbucks

If I had wanted a large, I would have ordered a fucking large.

Is that so difficult to comprehend?

I know that the large is only ten cents more than the medium. I get that. However, I didn't base my coffee-purchasing decision on fucking money, asshole. I decided how much coffee I wanted to drink and I went from there.

Somehow, you fail to grasp that simple idea.

Maybe it's because you can't even grasp what the fuck a large coffee is in the first place. What do you call that shit? A Venti? Is that even an Italian word? Are you an Italian company? No, you're from fucking Seattle. That's about as far from fucking Italy as a city can be. Both geographically and climatically.

One time, I had some stupid crack-whore behind the counter try to get me to buy a chocolate pastry with my medium coffee (not a large.) Obviously, if I had wanted a chocolate pastry with my medium coffee I would've fucking ordered it. Do I look fucking retarded? Do I look like I can't make pastry purchasing decisions on my own?

Or is it that you think Americans aren't fat enough already?

Well here's some breaking news, asshole- Americans are fat as hell and we're only getting fatter. We don't need your fucking help shoving disgusting slop down our throats.

And by the way, the stupid crack-whore who tried to sell me the chocolate pastry was a lard-ass herself. But not nearly as lard-assy as the poor twelve-year-old boy who had just ordered a gigantic frappuccino and a cookie. I swear that stupid crack-whore put extra whipped-cream on the poor kid's coffee. That should be a fucking crime- selling fatty-ass foods to poor little fat kids and then putting extra fucking fat on top of it.

And what the hell is a stupid twelve-year-old kid doing ordering coffee anyway? Does he need to stay awake long enough to keep his fat-ass on the couch through another ten hours of Comedy Central? Does your fucked-up company own shares in Comedy Central? Probably. You're all in this fucked-up conspiracy together. I know it.

I hate you Starbucks. I think you're totally-fucking-lame.

I also think you're lame cuz I got this stupid-ass Starbucks gift card and I really fucking didn't want to use it, but I figured, what the fuck, it's free, and so I went to Barnes and Noble and ordered a fucking medium coffee (not a large) and found out that my stupid-ass card wouldn't work because I wasn't actually in a Starbucks store but a Barnes and Noble cafe that sold fucking Starbucks coffee.

Isn't that fucking special?

Therefore, I found myself having, once again, to explain to the retarded fat-ass behind the counter that I really didn't want a large coffee and then having, on top of it all, to pay for your slop with my very own hard-earned cash.

You suck.